Thoughts on Love, Life, and Skeletons
I've been thinking about relationships a lot lately. I've probably been thinking about them more because mine seem to continue ending whether I want them to or not and I find myself back in the same snotty, puffy eyed place I was before. But I guess the truth of it is, that it's not the same place. I'm moving forward whether it feels like it or not. Through this process of starting over, letting someone in, allowing myself to be vulnerable, getting attached, and then having it all go away, I've learned so much about the nature of relationships and the truth about letting go. I thought I'd share a few nuggets of wisdom.
Imagine this...a woman goes on a date with handsome man. They sit down for dinner in a romantic, candle lit restaurant. They begin talking about life and love and art and music and she starts to feel herself get excited about this person sitting across the table from her. Her stomach starts to get butterflies and she begins to imagine what it might be like to kiss him and if she's being honest, she's gone way past that point and has started thinking about what it would be like to raise kids with this handsome stranger sitting there sipping his red wine and smiling slyly over the rim of the wine glass. Everything is going smoothly and the future looks promising for these two.
Except for one thing.
She forgot about the skeletons tied to a string behind her, some still fleshy and pink and some just bones, white and brittle. She's got them each tied neatly to a rope, dangling around her neck. When she stands to leave for the evening, the weight of these skeletons pinches at her throat pulling her back and away from the man who just bought her dinner. She pushes forward and goes in for the kiss regardless but as they leave the restaurant, the weight of all those skeletons dragging behind her, makes her hesitant. Makes her envision the man holding the door for her as just bones, waiting to be added to the rope. She'll never be able to make space for him with all the weight she's already got.
This might seem a little melodramatic, but think about it. We go into relationships holding on to the past, holding on to all of our skeletons. More specifically, past relationships and all the myriad ways in which it didn't work. We go in expecting to be let down or expecting for someone to treat us how we were treated before. There's no space for something new, something different. How can I make room for something or someone new, when my rope is already full?
Let go. It's the only way to allow yourself the space for whatever amazing thing the universe has in store for you next. Holding on to anger, resentment, sadness, outlandish expectations, disappointments, or ways in which you've been wronged or aren't worthy, only fills up all the space where happiness and unconditional love should go.
Relationships aren't easy. They are two people coming together to share themselves with each other, but they come with different experiences, different interpretations, different ways of thinking and communicating and loving and touching and listening. They come in with different life experiences. And then they expect for the other person to understand. And by some miracle, sometimes they do understand. But a lot of times, it takes work, it takes patience, it takes commitment and it takes choosing to work through all of those differences because you see the value in sharing your life with another human being. Relationships are a choice. Good ones don't just happen. You choose to make them good. You choose to put your skeletons down, let go and see the person in front of you as exactly how they are...not how you think they are based on all of your past experiences but who they truly are. You choose to allow them to be wholly themselves and to unfold to you in whatever manner they find. It's about choosing to put the past in the past and let the now and the future unfold completely out of your control.
But how can you allow another person to show you who they are, if you're burdened with so many skeletons? And how can you expect them to show you who they are, if you're hiding behind the past or hiding behind some unnameable future?
Stop hiding, let go of the rope, and move forward into the beautiful unknown.
Imagine this...a woman goes on a date with handsome man. They sit down for dinner in a romantic, candle lit restaurant. They begin talking about life and love and art and music and she starts to feel herself get excited about this person sitting across the table from her. Her stomach starts to get butterflies and she begins to imagine what it might be like to kiss him and if she's being honest, she's gone way past that point and has started thinking about what it would be like to raise kids with this handsome stranger sitting there sipping his red wine and smiling slyly over the rim of the wine glass. Everything is going smoothly and the future looks promising for these two.
Except for one thing.
She forgot about the skeletons tied to a string behind her, some still fleshy and pink and some just bones, white and brittle. She's got them each tied neatly to a rope, dangling around her neck. When she stands to leave for the evening, the weight of these skeletons pinches at her throat pulling her back and away from the man who just bought her dinner. She pushes forward and goes in for the kiss regardless but as they leave the restaurant, the weight of all those skeletons dragging behind her, makes her hesitant. Makes her envision the man holding the door for her as just bones, waiting to be added to the rope. She'll never be able to make space for him with all the weight she's already got.
This might seem a little melodramatic, but think about it. We go into relationships holding on to the past, holding on to all of our skeletons. More specifically, past relationships and all the myriad ways in which it didn't work. We go in expecting to be let down or expecting for someone to treat us how we were treated before. There's no space for something new, something different. How can I make room for something or someone new, when my rope is already full?
Let go. It's the only way to allow yourself the space for whatever amazing thing the universe has in store for you next. Holding on to anger, resentment, sadness, outlandish expectations, disappointments, or ways in which you've been wronged or aren't worthy, only fills up all the space where happiness and unconditional love should go.
Relationships aren't easy. They are two people coming together to share themselves with each other, but they come with different experiences, different interpretations, different ways of thinking and communicating and loving and touching and listening. They come in with different life experiences. And then they expect for the other person to understand. And by some miracle, sometimes they do understand. But a lot of times, it takes work, it takes patience, it takes commitment and it takes choosing to work through all of those differences because you see the value in sharing your life with another human being. Relationships are a choice. Good ones don't just happen. You choose to make them good. You choose to put your skeletons down, let go and see the person in front of you as exactly how they are...not how you think they are based on all of your past experiences but who they truly are. You choose to allow them to be wholly themselves and to unfold to you in whatever manner they find. It's about choosing to put the past in the past and let the now and the future unfold completely out of your control.
But how can you allow another person to show you who they are, if you're burdened with so many skeletons? And how can you expect them to show you who they are, if you're hiding behind the past or hiding behind some unnameable future?
Stop hiding, let go of the rope, and move forward into the beautiful unknown.
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