The Heart is a Fool, but the Head is a Bigger Fool

"The head is culture, the heart is nature," he said. He said, "The heart is a fool, but the head is a bigger fool." We were in the balcony, surrounded by a sea of black hair, and this Irish man on the stage was speaking about the things I felt in my heart.

I went to go see The Swell Season on Sunday. If you've seen the movie Once, you'll know what I'm talking about or if you've ever listened to The Frames or watched the movie The Commitments, you might know what I'm talking about. But it doesn't matter if you're familiar with them or not. You don't need to know them to know the power music can have or to understand what I will write.

It was the second show I've been to here. If you know me, you know this is abnormal. I will go to a concert by myself without hesitation. Music stirs something inside me and I hadn't realized how much I missed it until I was sitting in Row F, staring down at the stage. There is something beautiful about going to a concert in Korea. In the silence between songs, when the band is preparing for the next song and the clapping and cheering has died down, there is complete silence. Three thousand people in complete silence. And as I was sitting there, I felt such warmth for those strangers, for Korea, for my friends sitting next to me, for this man on the stage singing his heart out to a stadium full of strangers. It all felt so connected. I started to cry, because it all felt so beautiful. But I was ashamed I was crying and I turned away from my friends, wiped tears away. Took two deep breaths and went back to listening. But the thing was...I couldn't stop crying. And I realized, if I was alone in a sea full of unfamiliar faces, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't hide it. But sitting there, in Row F, next to the people I call friends, I wanted to hide it. I was ashamed. Ashamed of the emotion welling up inside me. When I was younger, I used to brag about never crying in front of anyone, as if by crying in front of people, I'd somehow become less human. But the thing is, we are all damaged. Crying makes us human, whether it's done in front of strangers or friends or alone. And when we finally recognize the damaged parts in others, we realize, it's okay to show ours too. Open up our chests and compare scars. So I let the tears come and felt the warmth of the bodies surrounding me. And nothing crumbled. Nothing fell apart.