Counting

There are mere days before this ends. Before a new beginning. A new adventure. And if I'm being honest, I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel scared. Terrified. I put on a good front. I've always been good at that. But sometimes when I get home at night, I cry in front of my computer as Animal tries to shove a hanger under my mini refrigerator. Or maybe that's just tonight. I've never really understood how to say goodbye, how to put the past in the past. I keep digging up the bones, as if they'll tell me story I've forgotten, sing me a song to put me to sleep. Someone once criticized me for not being able to cut people out of my life, for not being able to say goodbye to people. But I don't really get that; how can you say goodbye to someone you've been connected to in some way, who has become a part of who you are, even if they hurt you? We are all human, we all make mistakes, we all hurt people, intentionally and unintentionally.

I'm working on this process of letting go, of saying goodbye to this place. And although I thought I would be ready to leave here, the truth is, I'm not so sure.